Okay- I have to get my life in order.
In case I haven't said this before, 2016 was a real downer. Not entirely because most of the stuff that happened are downers, but because I failed to document all the good stuff that happened as well. I can't even remember when I went to the book fair! And that was something I document yearly since 2012!

So, yep, clean slate for 2017, and I'm going to try to liven up this little online space I have here. 2017 will be a year of exponential changes, I swear on it. This revelation came when I started collecting stickers for the CBTL journal (I got some help with my coffee-loving study buddies too), and when I finished the set of 12 and I had to pick a journal, I picked the pink one. The pink journal, guys. Not blue (or was it teal?), not violet, not gray, but the pink one. Which never was my favorite color.

I was kinda hoping 2017 is the year I surprise myself, you know.

2017 is also the year I graduate- hopefully. Lord. Please let me graduate on time. The only roadblocks I see are thesis and Juris. Thesis I know will be a hard path but I think I'll get through anyway, with my thesismates Jack and Nico. Well, we better. Juris is kinda more of a challenge because no one really knows how to pass that subject. Every exam was a gamble. You can't memorize all laws and sections verbatim, so you choose wisely which you think would appear for the exam then just memorize as much as you can. And once the exam does come, and you see that there are a shitload of words you have to define but do not know how, you define them anyway. There will be some enumeration parts of prohibited acts, or qualifications of a Board member, or the powers and functions of being Director-General, or anything else you hadn't even come across with while reading but you fill in the gaps anyway, with what you do know. Bullshitting the exam, but in a smart way. It's a technique.

We're still waiting for our grades. Our university looooooves getting us in the festive mood. Merry Christmas, UP Manila.

(Segue: I just killed a small critter with my ukulele bag.)

Okay, back to my promise, of making 2017 more organized. Well. I should be graduating by June 2017 aaaand... I don't know what then. That's the problem. How do you organize your life when you don't know what you're going to organize in the first place ha ha ha haaaaaa

After that, I'll probably finish my major internship first. Boards would be on March 2018, and if you count the months from a June 2017 graduation that is an unbearably long period of waiting and reviewing- so maybe get a sideline? Or a job already, if DOH would accept me. I've got my sights set on that one a long time ago. I figure, if I'm into PR and graphic design, why not DOH, right? I can put my GIMP skills into use there. It's sort of a marriage between my course (pharmacy) and my what-if (graphic design) course. I can be advocating for health policies and put my skills into good use at the same time. That is, if they'll take me.

The thing is I've never thought of this in the long term, not until my parents and I started having these "future" conversations. I got the vibe that they were expecting I'd practice abroad after finishing my RSA contract, and it saddened me a bit. I told them since I've first had the idea that I wanted to work for the Department of Health, and they were 100% supportive, but kept dropping other hints anyway. Like they wanted to go to Europe or something. New Zealand, Netherlands, Switzerland... wherever it's peaceful. Am I really going to be the ticket to that European dream? I never wanted that. I'd go to Europe for a vacation anytime, but I'm not going to settle there.

And the thing about DOH- I've come to realize that you can't retire until you're sixty, mom told me. I never thought about that. Would I want to be working until I'm sixty? Right now I can positively say maybe I do, because I'm the restless kind of person. I mean, I'm graduating but I sought busy roles in my college and in my orgs to keep me busy up to my final year here... that's how desperate I am to have something to do all the time. Still... it's a span of forty years. Who knows when I finally get tired of this?

This is what's keeping me awake most nights, recently. What am I going to do? Plus I have this dream of getting my own place in the city, finally going to the gym, learning how to cook and bake, getting my own dog, and everything in between. It's the illusion of independence which I keep thinking I'll unlock after I graduate.

Will I, really?

Edit: Ending this post with a rhetoric is so dramatic. This is me breaking the ice because I feel like I'm about to enter the quarter-life crisis and it's so like me to joke when things actually need to be taken seriously ha ha ha haaaaaa

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Sunday, December 18, 2016
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