It always comes back to me
What a shitty way to start a week.

Exhibit A. A big event has just concluded, and these empty cans are making a LOT OF NOISE.

Shut it, guys. We can ask the judges if it's that big of a deal. Sheesh.

Exhibit B. This is the bulk of what's troubling me.. the fact that I'm a reaaaaal shitty friend. It's what I've been feeling lately. What's worse is that it isn't just in my mind, it's actually made known to me.

And I don't know what to do anymore. I have been trying. So. Hard. But really, everything you did right will be forgotten once you do something really wrong. And that's what will be etched in people's minds for a long time.

If I am that unworthy, if we are that toxic to each other, you can let go of me. That's okay, as long as you tell me beforehand.

Friendships are hard. I thought they were all just smooth-sailing relationships, but apparently that's not the case. I didn't have this trouble back in high school. College rounds up pretty much a variety of people and you are soon acquainted to every quirk, every good and bad thing, every habit everyone has. And you have to learn to be understanding and okay with it, all the while being okay with yourself, too. It's a hard thing to balance. :( I'm not usually this way. I'm the one who tells everyone it'll be okay, I'm the one who laughs and makes people laugh too, but not today. I'm terribly down today. And I know it's okay not to be okay once in a while... but. Ugh.

And it's a good thing I'm writing this down. Some people say when you're sad, go create something. I created this space and all I can say is thank God I did.

I kinda feel better right now. Not completely okay, but slightly less worse than fifteen minutes ago.

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Monday, March 07, 2016
@ 18:13