You know what? SKIP THIS
I just really need to get this off my chest because I am pissed/stressed as hell

I am so fucking frustrated with myself because I'm this perfectionist kind of person who just CANNOT do things the half-assed way. It has to be good, it has to be the best I can come up with, it has to be perfect. And, okay, 99% of the time I end up with results that I am satisfied with. I'm not saying I'm good at everything I do, my point is that I do everything with all the effort I can exert and I just can't do something for the sake of having something to pass. I do my BEST.

And it's all great because I end up with results I'm not ashamed of. On the other hand I invest a lot of time and effort in what I do that it's sometimes bothering me because it's too much. And I have tons of other stuff I need to do, but I end up spending a lot of time doing this one task.

Another frustrating thing about myself is that I can't stand disappointing anyone. So when people ask me things I end up accepting everything. Okay, don't worry about it, leave it to me. It's cool.

It's not.

And now a tidal wave of follow-ups are drowning me and I can't, I can't, why didn't I just say I CAN'T in the first place? And these people have these high expectations that it's even harder to let them down because they're banking so much on you. It's like I carry this 10-tonne weight with me in my heart every. Single. Day.

And then there are these people who are already asking you favors yet they don't tell you the particulars, like wow, do I have to figure that out, too?? I'm already obliging you! At least help me out and tell me what you want, so I don't have to guess and end up doing stuff over and over again just so I can meet your standards. Is that too much to ask???

I sometimes confront people about it and casually say, "Hey, the least you can do is give me a heads-up, all right? Next time, please do." But the damage's been done and I just hope to God the lesson sticks to them.

Though I wonder if it's my problem. If I'm being too much of a bitch about this.

I'm really really sorry, for what, I don't know exactly, but here, just to be sure: I'm sorry.

So yeah. Here I am again with my "LEAVE ME ALONE OR ELSE" phase and right now I want nothing more than be in the middle of the Sahara by myself, with some beer or whatever. //lies on the cold tile floor

(edit: 11:36PM)
I'm watching Kamisama Hajimemashita and now I'm feeling 819x better


Saturday, March 21, 2015
@ 22:31