We'll be okay
Warning: long stories + friendship drama ahead

This is reaaaaaally personal. But hey. I've had this blog for years, and nothing stopped me from telling it everything. What's stopping me now?

This hell sem finally ended with the end of our 8pm AnaPhysio final last Monday. And I was really looking forward to some kind of legendary sem-ender, but I guess high expectations lead to disappointments most of the time.

We were all set for Batangas but then Typhoon Ruby had to wreck everything when it came here. It didn't even rain hard. The problem is that classes got suspended for two days, so our finals got moved after the Lantern Parade. Which kind of sucked because, you know, everything ought to be over by the time you're getting hyped up for the Lantern Parade. We were supposed to go to Batangas that weekend, but of course that didn't work out. We changed our plans to EK on a Tuesday/Wednesday but no one's as enthusiastic as I am, really. So we got no definite plans.

And it sucked.

So yeah, Monday night. Some friends went out for beer pong, which I turned down, because I don't want to spend the whole night outdoors. I got no place to crash, considering my dorm has curfew. So instead, I went out at 9:30pm to the nearest convenience store and bought a canned San Mig Light and some crackers which I drank and ate back at my dorm room to compensate for that missed beer pong opportunity. Also, I was supposed to attend the 4am Misa de Gallo, but I missed it 'cause (guess what)... yeah, I didn't wake up. My phone died and so did the alarm.

Tuesday. EK never even pushed through. *sigh* Neither did the Mystery Manila us four (Rai + Alexa + Pia) were planning to go to in case EK was cancelled.

Everyone's so unresponsive and something else happened and voila, our friendship's kind of in a fragile state right now. Personally, I'm okay with everyone. What I'm not sure is if they feel the same. And there were things that needed clarity, and they're not going to be settled unless we all meet and get together. That's not going to happen, though, because now we're all busy with our respective breaks and all. It's just, it's so depressing. How could we let this sem, this year end this way? I got a bit overreactive and confrontational with one of them, and in return that someone got overreactive as well and included everyone into our mess, someone got shocked because of course who wouldn't be shocked at an emotional outburst, and then there's someone who's totally not saying anything.

I'm not having the best time of my life, see. And the thing is I want to. But then this thing is in the back of my mind and it holds me back from being really happy and it just plain sucks. I feel sorry, I feel guilty. Not exactly what you'd call festive.

And really, what happened isn't that big of a deal. We just need to meet up because it's awkward and unacceptable to settle things online. But we don't have that luxury... and, I don't know, I just want to get it over with. Now everything's gone silent between us and I don't like that. But I guess I can't do anything about it. It's the best option, really. Unless someone formulates something that might help us overcome this situation (I'm trying).

It was my 2014 goal to be a better friend.
Was I?

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Wednesday, December 17, 2014
@ 21:01